You Loved Me
by Anna Jamisen
Summary: Tony and Michelle my season four ending.
1. Trust

According to spoilers about Michelle coming back to CTU while Tony is there. Ignores Driscoll's daughter committing suicide, forcing Erin to step down.

"Agent Bauer, Agent Almedia, in the conference room please." Agent Dessler called as she stormed off towards the conference room door. Tony and Jack followed her, exchanging glances on the way. Jack closed the door behind him and turned to face a now very perturbed Michelle. Tony folded his arms over his chest and curled his lip, looking very serious.

"I'm going to get right to the point." Michelle began, turning around and leaning her hands on the table. "I don't trust Erin Driscoll. I want her removed from her post." Tony's eyes grew wide and he glanced between Michelle and Jack without moving his head.

"How are you planning on doing that?" Jack asked, sitting at the end of the table.

"I'm talking to you because, quite frankly, I don't trust anyone else here." she explained, looking to Tony and emphasizing the final word.

"What do you want us to do?" Tony asked, knowing exactly where she was going.

"Watch her." Michelle ordered. "The second she misses a step, I'll yank her." Tony flinched at the familiar words. Jack noticed Tony's reaction.

"Who'll replace her?" Jack asked, knowing exactly what the answer was.

"Tony." she replied, a little apprehensive about looking in his direction.

"Wait, Michelle," Tony argued.

"Jack, can we have a minute." Jack stood and left the room, heading for Tech 1.

"Tony, you're the most qualified, you've had experience here, you know the protocols, and…" she paused.

"And…" he repeated, not moving from his stance.

"And… I trust you."

Tony nodded and left the room, his heart heavier than it had been before he entered.

"Wait!" he snapped, reentering the room and closing the door. "Trust?"

"Yes Tony, I trust you. You're a good agent…" Michelle lied.

"Don't give me that Chelle," he began, stopping in his tracks as he realized what he'd called her. Michelle noticed too and swallowed hard. Michelle finally broke the tension.

"No matter why I trust you or why I shouldn't, if you were asked to act as Director of CTU, would you accept the job?" she questioned.

"Of course I would." he replied without hesitation.

"And if it were a permanent position?" she asked. Tony nodded affirmation and Michelle grinned. "Good."


	2. Need to Know

"Hey." Tony greeted, walking into Michelle's office. The two of them had been working together throughout the day with little or no drama, which was surprising. It was almost like it was before Tony's arrest. Michelle sighed. Nothing had been the same since then.

"Hey." she responded. "Everything set?"

"Yeah. The next shift's all set, and they sent someone from division to take over for you." Tony explained, placing his hand on his hip and scratching the side of his face.

"Good." she replied, walking back over to her desk and closing several folders.

"Look, Michelle." He paused and let out a quick but exasperated breath. "We haven't had much of a chance to talk and I…"

"And what?" she asked, ruder than she meant it to sound. She shook her head. "That came out wrong. Have a seat." She motioned to the couch. He reluctantly walked over to the sofa and sat down, glancing up as he saw his ex-wife approach and sit down next to him. She rested her elbows on her thighs and held her hands together. "What's up?"

"This day hasn't been… easy for either of us. I can't…" he stopped and looked at her. "I can't leave without knowing."

"Knowing what?" she asked, the love that once existed in her eyes slowly surfacing.

"Knowing if you ever… thought about me… after you left."

"Tony, don't do this." she pleaded.

"I need to do this." he responded quickly. Michelle stood and walked to the window, not wanting Tony to see the tears in her eyes. "Michelle, we were married for a year before I was arrested and only two years when you left. I need to know if I had as big of an impact on you as you had on me, or if you've really moved on. We weren't together for long Michelle, and I need to know if you really did love me."

"How can you doubt that?" she asked, breathing deeply to hold back sobs.

"You were pretty quick to leave." he snapped sarcastically. "I'm sorry, that was rude."

"Tony, do you think that I didn't love you?" she asked sincerely, flipping around.

"Let's face it, our relationship was never… we never really…" he paused, looking for the correct word.

"We didn't communicate well." she completed. He chuckled.

"We still don't. But we never really… needed to. Our marriage was…" he once again searched for words.

"Passionate?" she suggested.

"Yeah. It was. Maybe we were too quick to get married. Maybe we didn't have what it took to stay together."

"Maybe." she agreed. "But all that aside, I did trust you, and I would have told you anything. And…" She blinked the tears out of her eyes, but failed. "And I really did love you." she cried, her voice breaking.

"If you loved me then, why couldn't you after I was released?" he asked, genuinely wanting the answer.

"I did!" she yelled. "I… I do!" She held on to her stomach and hunched over, sobbing. "Tony, leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. And not a day has gone by since then when I haven't questioned that decision. But what should I have done?"

Tony stood. "I don't know." He headed for the door and opened it. I really am glad that things are going well for you." he expressed truthfully. He gave her tear stained face one more look before turning around and leaving the office.


	3. Knock at the Door

A knock at Tony's door woke him from his sleep. He reluctantly rolled out of bed and trudged to the door.

"Who the hell is that?" Jen demanded. Tony turned around.

"How should I know?" he snapped back. "I'll take care of it." Tony made it to the front door and flipped the front light on. 'This better not be some prank,' he thought. 'I've had one hell of a day.' Tony hadn't slept in two days, and he was curt and exhausted. He pulled the door opened to reveal a woman sitting on the stairs, her face in her hands.

"Hello?" he called groggily. The woman flipped around and stood quickly. Tony instantly recognized her. "Michelle?" he asked, stepping out on the porch and closing the door behind him. The last thing he needed was Jen bitching about their voices keeping her awake.

"I, umm…" she paused, trying to catch her breath. She obviously had been crying and was trying to hide it. "I called but… you didn't answer." she explained. He sighed.

"Yeah." He suddenly noticed that he was standing on the front porch in his boxers, but he really didn't care. "Michelle, what's going on? It's midnight."

"I… I don't want…" She took a deep breath. "I wish we… You know what? Never mind. I shouldn't have come here, I'm sorry." she finished quickly, turning and heading back to her car. Tony caught her by the arm and turned her around.

"Michelle, what is it?" he asked calmly, raising his eyebrows.

"I… have always wondered if I did the right thing by leaving you. I've always wondered if there was something I could have done. And now I need to know." she informed him.

"Need to know what?" he asked gently.

"I gave up on you, Tony. I gave up on us. I need to know if there was something I could have done. I need to know if I could have saved you." she cried.

"Michelle, you didn't give up on me. I gave up on me." he resolved. "This wasn't your fault. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I'm gonna turn it around. You don't need to be worried." he comforted.

"How can I not be worried? Tony, look around. You're living in a shitty neighbor hood, with some woman, you don't have a job …" she complained.

"Do you have a point?" he asked with annoyance at her rambling.

"I… Look, the truth is that I miss you." she admitted, bringing a hand up to wipe away a few tears.

"You don't have to do this for my sake."

"I'm not!" she cried. "I just want…"

"What?" he asked, concerned that she was going to make herself ill with all the crying she was doing.

"I want you to come home, Tony. I want you home with me. I want us to be together again. I want to come home every night to my husband cooking me dinner. I want to fall asleep next to you at night and wake up next to you in the morning. That house is so lonely Tony. The silence is deafening. All I want is for you to come back. I saw you again today. I haven't seen you since the day you were arrested. If my husband is here, I want him home with me." she explained.

Tony sighed. The one woman in his life who had ever truly loved him was begging him to take her back, and he couldn't move.

"Michelle, I can't. I can't put you through that again." he rejected.

"Tony, please…" she begged.

"No! Michelle, it isn't fair to you. I want you to be happy that's all I've ever wanted. But it would be a mistake for you to take me back. Things will never be like they were, you know that…"

"I don't need them to be like they were! I just want… I just want you." she sobbed. Tony closed his eyes, silently abusing himself for making her cry. He wrapped his arm around her and held her, letting her cry. "I want my husband back. I want our life back. That's all I want, Tony. I can't live without you." she protested. He pulled away abruptly.

"You lived without me after I got out of prison, and you lived without me after you asked me to leave. You can live without me now."


	4. A Letter and Some Tears

Tony marched up the stairs and banged on the door. It felt odd knocking on the door to his old house, but he ignored the thought. He held Michelle's letter in his hand firmly as he banged on the door again. The door quickly opened to reveal a groggy Michelle. He had gone to the office and they told him she had called in sick, so he marched over to the house -- the one they had bought together.

She sniffled and stared at him. "Tony?"

"Did you mean this?" he asked without so much as a 'hello' while holding up the letter. She glanced at the letter and then back at her fuming ex-husband.

"Tony, I'm sick. Can we talk about this later? My head is killing me." she complained, rubbing her forehead.

"We can't talk about this later. I got this yesterday and I've read it thirty times trying to figure out what in the hell is going on! I need to know if you meant the things you said in this letter!" he demanded firmly.

Michelle's eyes welled up and her nose ran, but she didn't notice. She looked at the letter and back at the fuming ex-husband standing in front of her.

"Every word." she replied. He stared at her with his big, round orbs before turning on his heel and walking away. "Tony?" she called after him.

Tony paused and shut his eyes.

"Will you come home now?" she asked, her voice nasally and her face dripping with snot and tears. Tony turned his head in disbelief and saw just how sick she was. He couldn't help but smile at how pathetic she looked. He turned around yet again and ran back over to her, pulling her into his arms and wiping off her face with his hand. She cradled her head on his chest and sobbed.

"I missed you so much. I'm so sorry!" she cried, burying her face in his shoulder. Tony kissed her on top of the head and whispered, "It's okay baby. I'm here now." He felt her smile and he did too.

"Uhh… I'm so sick…" she groaned.

"Well, why don't you curl up on the couch and I'll make you some soup?" he suggested, tucking her hair back. Michelle smiled.

Maybe things would be okay.

On the front porch laid the forgotten letter, the one that brought them back together.

_Dear Tony,_

_I need you to know something. I'm nothing like you. I want to seem strong and secure, and to the outside world, I am. But to you, my love, I'm only myself. I've never had anyone know me as well as you do. No matter what happened between us, and no matter what happens now, no one will ever know me the way you do._

_I've never loved anything or anyone as much as you. If I could, I'd give up everything I have just to be in your arms one last time. I'd gladly die just to feel you kiss me again. I'm not myself -- I don't belong to myself. I belong to you, and only you. My heart is yours, and it's my fault that it got broken. _

_Please, Tony, when you think of me or remember me, can you think of all the good we had? We had three incredible years together, and I'll never forget how in love we were. I still love you Tony. I always will. Don't forget, please. Never forget how much I love you._

_Only Yours,_

_Michelle_


End file.
